Football Fan

So I’m coming out.

No, I’m not a lesbian.

I’m coming out about liking other teams besides the Bears.

Shocking I know. Slap me, I’m prepared.

Let’s face it, Cutler may be a decent QB1 but he has an attitude.

When things do not go his way he throws a hissy fit.

He is not the most cooperative during post game interviews

I think I have seen him smile maybe twice.

Don’t get me wrong; the Bears are still my top priority

But they really are not as fun as they use to be

How often does Devin Hester run 94 yards and receive a touchdown on a punt return?

Not as much as he use to

How many yards does Matt Forte pick up per game?

Not as much as he use to

Johnny Knox is a breath of fresh air, and Robby Gould is easily the most consistent Bear

But besides them…I feel sort of empty watching the Chicago Bears

After the Bears play I am usually hungry for more football

Maybe my needs are not met

Now I know this is a sin with most football fans, but I thoroughly enjoy watching Brett Favre and the Minnesota Vikings

This is considered a sin because The Vikes are in the same division as da Bears

But come on Bears fans-

If you ignore the inconsistent mind games that Favre plays it is undeniable that he is a blast to watch

He always looks like he’s having a good time

He can throw a Hail Mary…successfully

And he is the only player in the NFL that has beat every single team at one time or another

Seriously-love him or hate him he deserves props

Quarter Back?

Check!

Not only is Favre fun to watch on the Vikings

But Jared Allen is a complete hoot to watch

The mullet? The sacks? The raw antics?

Amusing and talented at the same time

Defense?

Check!

Don’t forget Adrian Peterson, he can make something out of nothing

Also, rookie Percy Harvin is reminding me of Devin Hester two seasons ago

Good, Good, Great

Offense and Special Teams?

Check!

There is one last team that sparks my interest

The Denver Broncos

Maybe this is because I am rooting for Cutler and Kyle Orton to face their old teams in the Super bowl

Or maybe this is because I want Orton to show the Bears that trading him was the biggest mistake of their franchise

I love an underdog story, and the Broncos at 6-1 is definitely an underdog story

They don’t get a lot of respect in the media, which is annoying

But it all makes me root 10 times harder for Denver

And how about Josh McDaniels?

Isn’t he a raw ball of energy?

No matter what happens at the end of the season, I can say that I had fun following the journey of many teams

I also have a better chance that one of my many teams will be playing in February

For any fan of South Park

Top 6 South Park Episodes (According to Sandra)

1. The Jeffersons
Season 8
This episode pokes fun at the late Michael Jackson. A suspicious, mystical man that goes by Mr. Jefferson moves to South Park. His yard resembles an amusement park and his house filled with arcade games. While Mr. Jefferson is telling the other grown ups of South Park that everything and everyone is ignorant, the police are focusing on framing Mr. Jefferson because he is a wealthy black man. This hilarious episode includes Mr. Jefferson’s son Blanket wearing a veil the entire episode and being virtually ignored by his childlike father.
To me, the perfect South Park episode would have all of the right elements.
Celebrity impersonation- And of all people, the great, late Michael Jackson. It almost doesn’t seem fair. Not because he’s dead-because it seems too damn easy. Matt and Trey spoof the nose, the music, the parenting skills and young Blanket.
Catchy South Park Songs- Whew is this episode loaded with little ditties. My Wishing Tree and Ride the train both are sprinkled with subliminal innuendos as well as many signature sha-shammouna’s.
Plenty of Cartman- Eric hearts Mr. Jefferson and Mr. Jefferson hearts Eric. Any adult who has a Ferris wheel in their backyard would be Cartman’s instant role model.
Seeing Kenny’s Face- It is a rare gem to see Kenny in the flesh. It is even more remarkable to hear him speak audibly. And of course it isn’t the best episode ever without Kenny ultimately dying.

2. Scott Tenorman Must Die
Season: 5
Anyone who has ever been bullied loves seeing an atypical bully get punched in the nuts so to speak. Who doesn’t love a good revenge story? It is South Park brilliance at its best when someone so shitty gets a taste of their own horror (literally in this case). Scott Tenorman is an older student who fucks with Eric Cartman. Right off the bat I’m interested. The tables are turned and someone is picking on Eric for a change. The episode includes a very random guest appearance from the band Radiohead. This episode was the most popular episode on Comedy Central for quite sometime and very justly so.

3. Tonsil Trouble
Season 12
The great thing about South Park is that nothing is off limits. Matt Stone and Trey Parker will make fun of anyone and anything. How can something be offensive if it does not discriminate? Is it okay to make fun of AIDS? The answer: only if the person makes fun of everything else prior to making fun of AIDS. Two of South Parks own fourth graders get infected with the HIV virus. One gets it through a complication during surgery and then other maliciously attacks their classmate in the night to transfer the virus (Hmmm, who could I be referring to). The term “Yes I’m sure I’m HIV positive,” is used over and over again throughout the episode. Half of the fun stems from the simple fact that if in real life, actual fourth graders went through these circumstances it would be a shocking monstrosity. Have you ever tried saying that you were “HIV positive” when you were certain of something. I did once and I received the strangest “WTF” look. Just try going where Matt and Trey go, it’s so wrong, but in essence it feels so good.

4. The Ungroundable
Season 12 finale
Twighlight is the entire universes wet dream in the late 2000’s. So naturally, South Park will mock it. And they do so with justice. When all of the preppy kids at South Park Elementary convert to dressing and acting as Vampires, the Goths are offended. Not only are the preppy kids (led by a student referred to as Vampirno) stealing the Goth’s look but the adults in town are referring to them as Goths as well. Meanwhile, Butters feels he has nothing to loose, so he wants to become a vampire. Of course any episode featuring Butters is golden. Epically when Butters is hissing at his parents while wearing all black and fake fangs. Yeah, that’s pretty much classic. The episode also includes outlet store Hot Topic being burning to the ground. Who wouldn’t enjoy watching Hot Topic burn down? You see, through South Park we live out our inner desires vicariously.

5. Raisins
Season 7
This episode is a mockery of the popular hooters restaurant. Get it? Raisins=small nipples. South Park=No limits (thank God). Not only does this episode heavily focus on Butters and his girlfriend (an unknowing Raisins girl) but it also showcases the always-amusing Goths taking Stan in under their wing. Stan becomes a Goth and Butters becomes a “boyfriend”-these are two things that we do not see everyday in everyday South Park life. While a self-loathing Stan seems strangely appropriate, Butters should probably wait to be a boyfriend.

6. Good Times With Weapons
Season 8
We’ve seen South Park morph into Simpsons mode and we’ve seen a visit from the cast of Family Guy. However, the greatest outside cartoon to be featured on South Park would have to be the Animae-Pokemon look. The boys go to the county fair and buy weapons (of course Kenny gets the cheapest weapon). After they have these num chucks and star daggers as they enter an alternate reality where they are great warriors-of course in the form of animae versions of themselves. When Butter’s alter ego Professor Chaos crosses the path of the boys, things get kind of crazy. Let’s just say by the end of the episode you’ll see blood, Cartmans penis, and Butters getting pissed on (yes, literally).

Signs of Winter

-When sports broadcasters talk about football more than baseball
-When Christmas lights twinkle on houses at night
-Getting up 15 minutes early is necessary to clean ice from the car
-I am playing pool inside instead of swimming in a pool outside
-93.9 Lite FM is beginning to play Christmas music instead of Shania Twain tunes
-I would rather drink hot chocolate instead of a chocolate milkshake
-Birds and bumblebees are replaced by bats and black cats
-I am receiving no wedding invitations in the mail
-There is no need to mow the lawn… shoveling snow is necessary-Everyone in sight has a cold or the flu…even Marilynn Manson

WTF of the Day

To see the driver of the local ice cream truck strolling through the subdivision at five ‘o clock in the evening day after day offers no real surprise. However seeing this man jadedly driving the truck with a cigarette dangling from his mouth seems downright wrong…or ironically poetic. I’m still uncertain. This man is already very intimidating in appearance. He is a larger built bald dude who is always supporting a wife beater t-shirt. Think of an atypical America’s most wanted sketch.

So are there rules and regulations for these ice cream truck guys to follow? Or is it anarchy? In my small town it is the same driver every single day. I can imagine the constant stresses of dealing with spoiled gluttonous children on the hottest days of the year. I can’t even imagine the discouraging paycheck an ice cream truck driver receives. Maybe I am resentful because I lived on an off street on the outskirts of town. If I were lucky the ice cream truck would come around once a summer. Seriously.

It is ironic that a man selling delicious treats to the youth is also subliminally selling the idea that smoking is appropriate as well. I mean, I don’t remember Mister Rodgers smoking after lacing up the ole tennis shoes.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not hating on the smoking population, I just think that there is a time and place for a good cigarette. I’m afraid ice cream on wheels is not the place to be puffing away.

Facebook, Myspace or Neither

Facebook and Myspace were unheard of while I was attending high school. It seems as though immediately after I graduated with the class of ’04, the age of technology had a whole new meaning.

In Junior High, one of my friends had 3 way calling. Three people could be on the phone at the same time. Wow, Neat, Cool. The kids of ‘04 carried cell phones in high school but they were basic. They were mostly used before or after class. The whole texting fad hadn’t begun yet and the Internet feature on the phone just seemed silly. Five years ago seems like a decade ago. I feel like mother goose.

In 2005 I jumped on the Myspace bandwagon. My first friend was a character from FX’s Nip Tuck (the Carver). I had a field day picking out a fun background (pink and black stars, it actually remains my background to this day). And of course I had the chance to pick a song to be my “anthem”. At the time, the song that best defined “me” was Unwritten Laws “Save Me”. I could show the entire world me, the way that I wanted to be featured. I was never one of those girls that stood in the mirror to have a Myspace photo shoot for hours. I never did see the point of uploading one hundred pictures of the same thing with a slightly different pose onto my computer. I’m sure that one or two pictures people will get the point across. With more than three obvious “photo shoot” pictures, the model wannabee will most likely come across as an attention seeking, egocentric maniac. I mean, I have sadly followed this photo shoot trend to a degree, but I only kept the best pictures.

I had to wait a few years later to get a Facebook account. This is because I was not in school. I resented the fact that you have to be in school to be considered cool enough for Facebook. It felt like an elite club that only the most prestige kids were invited to join. This is not the only reason that I held a grudge against Facebook. On Facebook, you don’t get to pick a fun background and song. Picking and choosing Top Friends is optional and there are all of these redundant applications that people will send you. I don’t need to join a pretend online margarita party thank you.

But over the years Facebook has turned into Myspace and Myspace is the new Facebook Whenever Facebook gets a cool feature, Myspace will copy it. If you are taking a shit you can tell the world with your status. You can update this as often as you like. There is now an instant messaging feature on both Myspace and Facebook. One year ago in 2008, Myspace was the place that people took mindless self surveys and quizzes (um, I am guilty of this procrastination tactic). However nowadays Facebook is the new place to procrastinate and take quizzes to determine which What Seven Deadly Sin I am (Envy) or Which Character From Nip/Tuck am I (Kimber)”. Oh, and Myspace adopted Facebook’s ridiculous application feature. No I do not want to join a pretend online mafia and no I do not want to “buy” anyone as my pet. Creepy shit.

Initially, the whole concept of social networking seems exciting and beneficial. Do you want to find best friend from second grade who moved out of state? Find her on Facespace (my made up term: Facebook+Myspace= Facespace). Want to take a peek into the lives of people you were always interested in, but too pansy to talk to? Facespace will introduce you to anyone you want as long as they too have an account. I have reconnected with many friends via Facespace. People that I would never be able to just call up and say “Hey, what ever became of you? By the way, do you want to hang out sometime to catch up?” It is easier this way. Social Networking requires little to no effort. To ask out a nice guy or gal that you like, it is as easy as sending that special someone a friend request or sending her a quick message. In the world of Social Networking, if you get turned down as a friend, for a date or for anything else, the sting seems more bearable. Is easy good? Doesn’t Social Networking seem to strip away the emotions linked to communication. And no, those little emotion-cons do not suffice. You know: J or L.

Yes it is secretly exciting to “stalk” people via social networking. It is fun to gather around the computer with a bunch of friends to see if Johnny Football hero became a fat alcoholic or if Mean Girl June is a crack whore. BUT doesn’t Facespace take away the fun from future high school reunions?

The debate is endless. Does Facespace turn today’s functioning human beings into zoned out zombies or does it provide an effective tool of communication? Maybe a little or both…time will reveal the true truth.